On this momentous day (which is also America's Independence Day, ironic as you'll find out later), I found my true calling.

To be a prophet to effect change in human existence.




Such a huge title for a negligible blip in Existence, I must admit, but hey, impossible dreams are the best ones, don't they say?

It came to me as Abby shared with me her book review of The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight by Thom Hartmann.

I haven't read the book quite yet, but I am going to buy it, because many of the things she commented seemed to express all of those things which I have felt but never been able to quite rationally voice out (do i ever?) either:




The decay of humanity.

And I don't say that because I'm an emo-scenester, no.

Nor do I agree with the crowds that go (ooh eerie voice time) 'Doomsday is coming, Doomsday is coming. It has been foretold...' but otherwise do nothing since it is fated.

No.

I say that after having watched Fahrenheit 9/11 eleven times.
(yes, my all-time favorite film)
(and no, I'm not just another one of those
'show-him-some-Iraq-blood-and-he'll-get-angry-with-Uncle-Sam' people.)
(adrenaline/testosterone rush doesn't occur anymore after the 6th or so viewing.. try it.)

I've grown to harbour a deep-rooted, almost primal sense of displacement towards the world we live in today,

a world ruled by capitalism,
confused by religion,

a world where civilization is preached unto, but does not think for itself.
(so why again are we different from animals?)

a DOG-EAT-DOG, DOG-EAT-GOD, GOTT-IST-TOT (half-witted bastards who take everything out of context. oh wow god is real. oh wow god isn't real. oh wow my book is better than your book so you'll rot in hell..) and another SIX-DEGREES-WARMER-WE'D-ALL-BE-DEAD kinda world.




I have long sought Unity (of science, religion, philosophy, etc, way of life basically) through reading the works of Einstein, the writings of Carl Sagan, the ideas of Karl Marx, and recently my mother has gotten into Eckhart Tolle as well and I must say I am happy for her and for myself, we understand each other better..




It now makes perfect sense to me why I've not fully loved all my other areas of interest/study that I've applied myself into: computing, design, art, film, diy craft, green technology, etc.
and the whole withdrawal from filmmaking. (I've decided I probably won't pursue film after graduating)

Some of it was only there as stepping stones towards this higher purpose. It was always about the bigger picture. And now I finally understand that bigger picture.

(like my fascination with nuclear fusion and/or the day we becoming a spacefaring species. it wasn't just all 'kid-with-shiny-object')

(also, it doesn't mean what I've studied thus far is a waste. They had to be there in order for me to get here to where I am right now. Especially art school.)




I feel great because even though I still don't know what I will probably be doing after I graduate, (i.e the specifics) the big picture is crystal clear.

The world will change, and no matter how big or small the part I will play in this act, I will act.




(ps: I would like to say a word of thanks, shoutouts to Abby (hang in there!) and to the Bush administration. ;p)